PEOPLE ARE STRANGE

What makes a person stand in line for hours & hours to get into a store to save a few bucks? Oh did I mention that most of those door buster deals are limited to 3 units ....maybe 12? Shopping malls opened at 12:01 am on the bewitching hour of Thanksgiving night! In Portland the I-5 freeway was jammed with people, many in their pajamas! I kid you not. Why would these greedy retail chains put their people through that misery? It shows they could care LESS about the staff with the demand to have Thanksgiving with their family and then drive to a stupid mall and work midnight until who knows when! Don't you think these faceless chain stores could make their quota from 9am until 10pm? I will not support any of these stores. I would rather pay more and do business with a local shop owner that appreciates my business. Every year there are those stories of people shoving each other in Toy Stores, giving the finger in parking lots, even a shooting last year in Indiana. A guy swiped another guys parking spot and he got out of his big ass truck and shot the dude!
OVER A PARKING SPACE! I'm just amazed about the fact of so many people will drive to a mall or super sized store at midnight or 4am or even 7am !!!!!!!
For what?????? To have the experience like the photo portrays in this blog?
Someone said that these cases are like an accident scene on the freeway. Theres interest in the blood & guts of these horrific moments.....Kind of like standing in line at Circuit City for 5 hours to save $50 bucks.

THIS GIRL IS SO OUT

The "Paris" frenzy seems to be over. The crowds really don't care like they did 6 months ago & back. This girl has done NOTHING other than market herself via through a few home made sex tapes. Sure she was a novelty, but to be quite honest with you, I'm sick of the hoopla over this chippy......and a chippy she is!

Her schtick has worn out and she had an extra long run for a circus show. Who is next to be "Hot"? Have no clue, but you can bet that there will be a new one on the horizon soon. Paris Hilton was all about absolutely nothing. At least Anna Nicole Smith could pose? I think you will be seeing Paris with a layout in Playboy soon to re-charge her career. That is my guess. On another subject....I have never found the TV show Mash to be funny. It is depressing to me when I land on that show while cable flipping. Another irritating asshole is Ted Danson. What do people see in that guy? Read today that more people like the taste & flavor of coffee at McDonald's than Starbucks! Could that be really true?

Tomorrow I will walk into a McDonald's and try there Java brewski. Expect a blog on this subject soon. On TV just now a brilliant judge in Aruba came out with breaking news, that the American girl is most likely dead! REALLY??????

Gee I thought she is alive & just never wanted to return home! I'm joking of course, but have you ever seen a more guilty bunch than those kids who did her in? That is all for now. Saturday night TV sucks. I remember when ONE movie played on Television....NBC had "Saturday Night At The Movies"......We waited all week for that. Memories of the boomer crowd.

THIS STORY WAS NOT IN MY PAPER TODAY!

I was quite shocked not to see any story in my fish wrap this morning remembering JFK's fatal day in Dallas Nov 22 1963 at 12:30 pm. Everyone has a vivid recall of where you were when the news hit that Kennedy was shot while traveling in a open Lincoln. I was Ten years old and was sitting in a classroom when the teacher was interrupted by the Principal as he whispered the shocking words in her ear. She sat for the longest time just staring out the window, we kids knew something was not right. She announced that something awful had happened to President Kennedy and to get our coats on & go immediately home. I knew this was going to be a bad one. We lived in a "Leave it to Beaver" neighborhood that had a ton of old trees where the leaves had fallen and you couldn't see the cement on the ground. I remember like it was yesterday the sound of my shoes crunching the leaves all the way home. We watched the black & white Magnavox TV for three or four days straight. The reporting was award winning when you think that the three networks did not have the technology they have today. Just when we got adjusted to the shock of this young President dying by gunshot, we were blown away while watching Jack Ruby step out of the shadows in the Dallas Police garage and plug Lee Harvey Oswald in the stomach, live on our Television!!!! We were all sitting around glued to this new addition to the biggest story in my lifetime. I have been asked if 9-11 was a bigger deal (especially asked by young people that were not around in 63).....I still feel the Kennedy Assassination was the #1 story. Sept 11th was a doozy for sure but the nation in 1963 had so much hope for the future. Here we had this dashing good looking guy as President with a story book family that followed old man Eisenhower and that weasel Nixon. Who knows where we would be today without the Nov 22nd day in Dallas? Today marks the 44th year since the event. It was sad not see a story in todays paper.

PHOTO OF JOE ALBERTSON

Joe ran a tight ship when he was alive. He strived to give customers good service & build clean-attractive stores. Joe has been gone for a while. Today Albertsons is owned today by the Mormon Church! I find it odd that the Church allows booze, smokes and condoms to be sold in their grocery stores.
Anyway...The stores Manager called me and sounded quite defeated on the phone. He had the tone that said "Yeah I agree, but I'm stuck with a bunch of idiots and there is not much I can do about it. This will be my final blog on Albertsons and my beyond horrible experience there....But I will leave you with Joes story which is pretty darn amazing.


Joseph A. Albertson, 86, Creator Of 651-Store Supermarket Chain


By WOLFGANG SAXON
Published: January 22, 1993
Joseph A. Albertson, who took a chance on an Idaho grocery store more than half a century ago and parlayed it into one of the nation's largest supermarket chains, died Wednesday night at his home in Boise. He was 86.
The company he created, Albertson's Inc., based in Boise, said only that he had died after a long illness.
Albertson's now operates 651 stores in 19 Southern and Western states and has 70,000 employees. With annual sales of more than $10 billion, it ranks as the sixth-largest food and drug retailer in the country.
Mr. Albertson's own wealth kept pace with the growth of his company. Last fall Forbes magazine estimated that he was the 80th-richest American, with a net worth of $930 million. Started as a Clerk
Mr. Albertson, a native of Yukon, Okla., grew up in Caldwell, Idaho, and started his career as a clerk at a Safeway store there in 1927. He moved up the ranks until he was overseeing 16 Safeway outlets.
Then, in 1939, he pooled $4,000 of his own money with $7,500 borrowed from his wife's aunt and, along with two partners, bought a grocery store in Boise.
That was the start of Albertson's. The company earned $10,000 in its first year and promptly branched out to two other Idaho towns.
Buying out his partners after World War II, Mr. Albertson proceeded to build the company into an empire. A stickler for quality, value and service, he helped introduce America to the concept of a complete one-stop, self-service supermarket. By the 1960's, Albertson's had grown into the country's 25th-largest food retailer, familiar to shoppers in Southern California, the Pacific Northwest and Mountain States. Gave to Many Causes
Mr. Albertson gave up the chairmanship of the company in 1976 but remained active as a director and major shareholder until his death.
As a young man, Mr. Albertson studied business for two years at the private College of Idaho. The college, a principal beneficiary of the many millions of dollars that he gave over the years to various causes, has since been renamed Albertson College of Idaho.
In 1930, Mr. Albertson married a college classmate, Kathryn McCurry, who survives him. A 41-acre park in Boise, donated by them, bears her name. Also surviving are a daughter, Barbara Jean Newman of Boise; a grandson, and three great-grandchildren.

NEVER SHOP HERE

My last blog had the phone ringing & e mail blasts....A good pal calls me & tells me this horror story...He shops the same Albertsons in Lake Oswego Oregon on a Sunday morning. He drove there with his Daughter. They were the only customers in the store & selected items they had on their list. The cart was about 1/4 filled. They go to the check out & begin pulling their goodies & laying them on the mini-tram so the clerk can ring them up. A pimple faced kid walks up to him & firmly says "This is for 5 items or less, move your stuff over here" (to next station)......He says "Wait a minute, NOBODY is in here!"
The clerk is relentless with his mission to not ring them up at the quickie check out. They argue.....My pal explains to this moron that in the time they had words, all of his stuff could of been rung up! The clerk must of had water torture during his training to never bend the rules because he would NOT ring that sale. Just like your Stumptown Blogger...my pal will never step foot in any Albertsons. Years ago we had just a few choices, Fred Meyer, Safeway, Kienows, and yes the chain Joe Albertson built into a empire. Today we don't need any of these stores. Whole Foods, New Seasons, Market of Choice and yes that old haunt that is still kind of retro cool Wizers. Screw Albertsons.

ONE OF AMERICA'S WORST SERVICE COMPANIES

It was a long day.....appointments started at 7:30...go go go all day.Made a stop at this faceless chain grocery store at 7pm to grab a few bottled waters and few other things......I walk over to the "fresh to go counter" and there is one girl standing at the end of the so called fresh case talking on the phone. I can hear her loud obnoxious voice yapping about some party she attended the night before. She looks right at me while laughing and whooping it up to a friend on the company dime. I walked away in disgust & made a loop back with my cart to see if she would hang it up and sell me some shit in their case (looked like shit...believe me)......She now turns to the wall so she does not have to face me! I could almost feel that vibe coming! I pipe up and say (quote word for word) "HEY YOU....HANG UP THAT PHONE AND HELP ME"....She then turns to me like I'm a leper and yells "NANCY ...COME OUT HERE, THERES A GUY OUT HERE"......Then here comes this heffer who looks like whats missing in the tubs of shit is in her stomach cavity.....she says "yeahhhhh what can I get ya".......I said "YOU CAN GIVE BETTER SERVICE YOU STUPID MUTT"....THAT'S WHAT I SAID TO HER! It would of been a useless excercise to complain to a manager because let me tell you, in this Albertsons in Lake Oswego Or they all could be security guards at the Portland Airport. So I paid and went home. This is exactly why Whole Foods is kicking ass in this town. The stores are clean, the people are friendly and the selection is fresh.....also the prices are full blown retail. I'm more than happy to pay it.

DAVE CHANGES THE CAR BUSINESS

My pal Dave Jachter gave me a tour of his new Toyota dealership in Wilsonville Oregon.

I was really impressed! We all know (usually) what to expect driving up to shop for a car.....

Five guys that look like ex cons smoking cigs & wearing Dockers with tennis shoes! Then they attack you with bullshit-lies & more bullshit. Dave has taken all the b.s out of the experience with a staff trained from the ground up. He did not hire his sales staff that would bring a bad culture into his new state of the art building. That was taking a chance but it has paid off with almost a 100% customer satisfaction grade. Let's face it, nobody wants the typical stereotype treatment anymore, but these traditional dealers just can't get it out of their system. Dave has a new out of the box concept that is so refreshing.

I watched the customers on the showroom laughing & enjoying their day buying a Toyota. No push..no shove. What an idea! Finally someone has done it. Say hi to Buddy the bull when you go out! Its also cool that Wilsonville Toyota is a one price dealership. Dave never has to advertise non stop sales, because there are none. Everyone gets the same deal...the best deal from the start. My hat is off to Dave & the staff.

DREADING THE TRIP

Oh no....It is not the TRIP...It is the trip to the AIRPORT! If I had anxiety pills, believe me I would take a double dose before leaving. Imagine if your job called for travel 2-3-4 times a week! It could drive a sane person postal. Just look at this photo I grabbed off Google. This picture says a 1,000 words about the dog & pony show going on at Airports all over the world (other than Tel Aviv that has REAL security).......You see a sketchy person in line and they pull over Grand Dad to work him over. I also love it when they all chat between themselves and are not even looking at the screen as the luggage floats down the ramp. Most appear to be human rejects from the American work force. Sorry folks, I write with an honest pen (keyboard).......Just the whole experience is a bummer. Before the towers came down I really looked forward to travel. Today it is one of life's most frustrating moments and such a waste of time with the lines & working all the wrong people over. If the Government wants the real meal deal, they should copy the El Al Airlines model of security. With that comes less flights! They could never pull it off with the amount of planes coming & leaving. The entire culture of travel would have to be changed. I will say that our Airport (Portland Or) is one of the nicest in the nation. Have you waited for a plane at LAX in the Alaska section lately? It is like waiting for a Greyhound in the 60's. It is filthy & dirty and the noise from the announcements (that you can't understand a word of what they say) is deafening....Horrible terminal. The worst! Vegas has a cool airport and so does the Twin Cities. But all in all....its a crap experience.

SNAKEOIL SALESMAN #1

The minute this guys phony mug appears on my TV screen...it's a mad push to grab the remote out of my wife's hand or scramble to locate gods greatest invention on the floor (usually under the couch!).....This guy irritates the hell out of me. Can't you see this ass selling used cars? He has made MILLIONS off ignorant housewife's believing in this guy because Oprah told them to. I have been doing my Columbo routine and checking the famous Dr Phil out. He has a staff that is not allowed in any way to talk to the press about him. He must have them sign powerful contracts, because even the employees of the past will never talk. But there is always dirt people, and in Phil's case, it comes in the form of a 19 year old girl. In 1988, Dr Phil was reprimanded by the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists for an “inappropriate dual relationship” with his client, and forced to take ethics classes. Dr Phil maintains that the relationship was not sexual, but the girl says otherwise. Dr Phil also has a little bit of an inner snake oil salesman it would seem, in 2003 he got started in the weight loss business, selling products under the name “Shape Up.” Dr Phil's products stated that "These products contain scientifically researched levels of ingredients that can help you change your behavior to take control of your weight."
Oopsie, the FTC didn't think that was very likely true, and launched an investigation, as people who had actually been suckered into buying the products sought to bring a class action law suit against Dr Phil because the products didn't work even after paying $120 a month for them, a suit he settled out of court for the princely sum of $10.5 million dollars. I'm waiting for the BIG story to emerge on this guy. He ranks in my top 5 of creepy people. CREEPY is the word for Dr Phil. He has really picked the pockets of those lonely housewives out there buying into his bag of bullshit.

SCAM UNCOVERED BY STUMPTOWN BLOGGER

I'm sitting up in a cigar den enjoying a cigar when I over-hear a conversation at the table next to me...This guy is telling his pal that he worked at a car wash during the summer and when customers asked for the up-grade polish & wax option, they were told to just push "WASH" because it was ten years ago when the wax container had the wax mix in it. There are 28,000 car washes in the United States....Just imagine the racket many of them have going! How in the hell do we know if were getting the wax?....While were getting WAXED! I took this photo as my car was emerging into the car wash..notice 6 buttons. I have some faith in human honesty, but I would put money on a bet that they just hit WASH. The difference is around $3 bucks between a standard car wash and the added wax. My car never looks any better when I take the sucker punch for Wax. The next time I visit the car wash, I'm going to ask the attendant that pushes the button....which one is it for WASH...and to point out WAX. What are the other buttons for anyway. Am I loosing my mind?

Have you ever thought about this?????

WHO IS THIS MAN?

I FELT 100 YEARS OLD THE OTHER DAY.IN OUR OFFICE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE GREAT JOHNNY CARSON WHERE EVERYONE WAS WEIGHING IN ON WHAT THEY LIKED MOST ABOUT THE KING OF LATE NIGHT. ONE PERSON COMMENTED THAT THEY LOVED HIS "CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT" BIT.....I REALLY ENJOYED HIS CHARACTER AS ART FERN ON THE TEA TIME MOVIE SEGMENT...ANOTHER STAYED UP FOR THE MONOLOGUE AND ALWAYS WAITED FOR THE JOKE TO GO SIDEWAYS.....HIS COMEBACKS WERE ALWAYS CLASSIC. OUR YOUNGEST EMPLOYEE ASKED US WHO JOHNNY CARSON WAS???? WE ALL LOOKED AT EACH OTHER IN SHOCK & AWE. YOU ALMOST BECOME ANGRY AT SOMEONE WHO HAS NO CLUE WHO JOHNNY WAS, BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO GET A GRIP ON REALITY....JOHNNY HAS BEEN NOT ONLY GONE FROM THIS EARTH FOR A WHILE, HE ALSO HAS BEEN OFF THE TONIGHT SHOW SINCE 1992. LENO & LETTERMAN ARE FINE...EVERYONE HAS THEIR FAVORITE....YOUNG PEOPLE THINK CONAN O'BRIEN IS A COMEDY GENIUS. IT IS A SHAME THEY NEVER HAD CARSON TO MAKE THE COMPARISON. YOU MIGHT THINK, WELL...BEFORE MY TIME THERE WAS FRED ALLEN AND JACK PARR. THEY WERE SPECIAL, BUT NOBODY HOLDS A CANDLE TO JOHNNY CARSON. IN A COUPLE OF YEARS CONAN TAKES THE TONIGHT SHOW DESK FROM JAY. IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO WATCH HIM AS STAR OF THE SHOW THAT HAS MADE NBC MORE MONEY THAN ANY OTHER IN NETWORK HISTORY.

You have to read this!

Robert Goulet passed away a few days ago...He was a great singer & stage performer. He hold's the record for starring in Camelot the most of any Actor or Singer. I always knew he was a world class singer...but had no idea he was such a great person. I received the following email from a good friend.....This was the first time I ever heard about this amazing event in the lives of this terrific family. He would like to not be named in this blog in respect to his Father. Read this and grab a Kleenex please.

Christmas 92 I bought my parents tickets to Camelot starring Robert Goulet for the February show in Portland. Come February my dad was really sick with liver cancer and was home in bed for the final few weeks of his life but he was coherent and really loved camelot and Robert Goulet. Dad obviously couldnt make the show. I called Goulets hotel and he called me > back and we talked. The next morning I picked him up at the Benson and drove him over to my parents house. It didn't take any persuading, he > offered to come. He spent a couple of hours talking with dad, playing the piano, singing some camelot songs and singing some of dads favorite Dean Martin songs. I had told him a little about dad, Korean war combat veteran, two bronze stars at Heartbreak Ridge, big brawling and drinking Irishman etc. He really liked dad. When he left he leaned over, kissed Dads forehead and and whispered "save me a seat next to you if you beat me there". As we left the house and in the car Goulets eyes were wet and it > was obviously tough on him. He gave me a hug and told me what a great old > man I had. We talked on the phone a few times after that and exchanged letters a few times and Christmas cards every single year for the past 14 years. Robert Goulet was a class act and a real gentleman. He gained nothing for himself by doing what he did, and in fact it was obviously very tough on him. But he did it because it comforted people. People he didn't even know and that's the kind of man he was. God Bless Robert Goulet.